MS Awareness Month – A Personal Experience with Infusion Therapy

Oh! The irony….

The first stick today at the infusion center was in a vein just below my wrist staight down from my right thumb. It stung like crazy. The nurse, a very happy, kind young woman in her 20’s had to move the IV to the left side of my left arm. I was well hydrated, but for some reason, I was extra sensitive to the pokes today.

After the premeds of solumedrol (a steroid for inflammation reduction) and Benadryl (for prevention of possible allergic reactions to the medication) were given and when the 30-minute wait time was over, it was time to start infusing the half dose of a new medication my neurologist prescribed because of the increased MS symptoms I was experiencing and the three new lesions seen on my recent MRI. The stress of the past year has definitely taken a toll on my body.

Ocrevus is a medication which is initially infused twice, 14 days apart, and then as an infusion every six months to reduce the symptoms and number of future MS relapses. There is not a cure for MS, but the medication can be helpful in slowing the progression of the disease.

My arrival time was 9AM this morning. Riding in the elevator in silence with my husband to the second floor was not intentional. The closer we got to the infusion center the more nervous I felt. The elevator doors opened and we walked straight ahead and took the jog to the right. Behind the glass door that we walked through into the infusion center, sat a very bubbly blonde girl behind the desk She was eager to help us feel welcome. I recognized her voice as the one who scheduled the appointment with me and called me “Sweetie” before hanging up the phone last week. Someone younger than yourself should NEVER call you “Sweetie.” It feels disingenuous and condescending, in my opinion. She, however, was very friendly and did help us feel very welcome.

The room that was going to be mine for the next 7.5 hours was inviting and even had a homey feel to it. I was directed to sit in the big dark brown leather recliner. My husband sat in a very nice cloth wing-backed chair on the other side of the end table placed between the two chairs. On the wall in front of us was a large TV hanging above a side board with drawers where the nurses accessed the necessary supplies. It was the same width as the TV. The TV was displaying a beautiful cozy sitting room with a fireplace and all kinds of St. Patrick’s Day decore dispersed about the room which gave a bit of a wimsical feel to the coziness.

The normal medical history questions were asked and answered. When the nurse asked me, “How do you sleep at night?” I could not help my response, “With my eyes closed.” She laughed like she knowingly had that coming. All of the nurses were kind, helpful and reassuringly stated they have very few people who have reactions to the medication.

Well, I had a bit of reaction, so the medication was stopped for 30 minutes and restarted at a lower dose. I started to feel shaky so the nurse brought a string cheese and an apple juice for me. By then, it was late enough that she let me choose a lunch to be delivered by Uber, which was paid by the infusion center. That was a nice perk of choosing them, (if you can call it “choosing” when they were the only one that was in-network with our insurance).

The remainder of the infusion ran smoothly. The nurses checked my vitals every 30 minutes. My blood pressure, oxygen, and pulse were good the entire time. At 4:30PM we walked out toward the reception desk. I stopped in the hallway where I let the nurse know that I was experiencing some double vision in my left eye. She said if it got worse or if I started to have new symptoms that I should go to the ER. One of the other nurses will give me a call tomorrow to check on how I am doing. When that call comes, I hope to answer while at work, since I am feeling better tonight. It is nearly 11:30PM, and I am wide awake. It comes as no surprise because of all the napping I did today, thanks to the Benedryl.

Timing is Everything

Daily writing prompt
Who are your favorite people to be around?

Roundabout a Jump Rope

Our small city has several roundabouts strewn about the roadway system. Some brilliant person thought these would make progress through these intersections quicker than a 4-way stop.

OR…

The minds who came up with this plan were great jump ropers in their childhood and thought this would be the perfect way to keep that memory alive. You know, when two friends each hold one end of a jump rope and turn it so you can jump to your hearts content. The trick was to have perfect timing– to enter the center jumping area just as the rope was moving away from you so you would be in place as the rope made its way over and back around to the ground where you could jump over it. Jump…jump…jump.

You were a GOOD jump roper if you could do that. And, if that is not enough fun, they would turn the rope faster so you could jump “double time” which meant you were a GREAT jump roper. Even better than that, though, was when they would add a second rope and turn them opposite directions. If you were a double-dutch jump roper, you were AMAZING! Those friends who added tricks as they jumped were SUPERB!

When I approach one of these wonderful (too small) round-abouts, I approach with the thought “timing is everything” and I know I have to get my timing just right to enter so the car coming from the left is not too close, but that the traffic to my right is not ready to pull out in front of me as I make the drive around the loop. I can’t wait too long so as not to upset the driver behind me who is impatiently awaiting their turn. I have to make sure I am in the correct lane as I enter so I am in the lane I need when I exit, so as not to miss my right turn into the Costco parking lot. I haven’t figured out if I am good, great or amazing at this challenge, but the one thing I do know is… Timing is everything!

Not Good Timing

In March of 2023, my husband and I went on our first cruise with my sister and her husband. The first morning on the ship I realized I forgot my daily medication I was taking at the time for MS. It was a good thing my doctor just the month prior talked with me about a world wide conference he attended in the fall over in Europe. He said they reiterated that people over 50 who are on my prescribed medication have an increased risk of infections that can land them in the hospital. He said I should think about coming off of the medication. I was already in my late fifties. So, it was good timing that I forgot my medication when I did. I simply quit.

The year 2024 was the most stress-filled year I have had in my entire life. I experienced extreme emotions that were a rollercoaster that took me from the lowest lows to the highest highs and back again. Stress the playground for MS to explore and attack. Myelin sheaths beware. Riding the rollercoaster of high emotions and stress was not good timing without the protection the medication.

The MRI this month of my brain, neck and T-spine showed new lesions at all three levels. Two levels are active lesions, which means they occurred within the last 3-4 months. At my appointment with my neurologist this week, it was decided that I should go on a new medication to keep the MS attacks or exacerbations to a minimum. Apparently, having a “youthful” immune system in my situation is not a good thing.

A call came today from the company that makes the poison that will be infused into my body every 6 months beginning in March. The good news is that the medication is so expensive that I qualify for a “copay assist program” that will help pay for my copays, which means it will help with any deductible and out of pocket expenses I might incur from taking this medication. That is great news, but it would have been better news in January. Too bad the new and increased symptoms I have been experiencing these past few weeks did not happen in December of last year when my deductible was met, so the MRI would not cost me anything and the infusions could have started in January so my deductible would be met in January each year. Indeed, timing is everything.

Next month is the soonest I will be able to start treatment. I hope that is soon enough to prevent additional lesions from forming in my brain and spinal cord. This anxiety needs to calm down so I can enjoy whatever my future has in store for me with the best health possible at this point. There is a lot of good life to live!

Modern medicine is amazing, but no zippers

My husband had a nerve stimulator placed in his back about six years ago. The battery in the stimulator he chose is not rechargeable, so the battery died. Today, he had surgery to replace the battery pack over the back side of his hip. The hope was that the doctor could just disconnect the battery pack from the leads going up his back near his spinal column and reconnect the new battery to those existing leads.

No such luck. The doctor had to open an incision in his back to remove the old leads and place the new ones, to which the new battery could connect. Joe asked the doctor to just put a zipper in his back to make a replacement of the battery and leads easier in six years when it needs to be done again. Dr. P thought that was a good idea, but his sewing skills must not be advanced enough for that because I do not see a zipper in his back.

Now we wait and hope that no infection develops. *Fingers crossed*

Firsts, Fumbles, and Faith

This blogger’s thoughts hits home for me and gives me hope, as I, too, have a chronic illness. I look forward with great anticipation to the quality people President Trump will pull together for his cabinet while serving his second and final term.

I have some observations on the election. It’s neither celebratory nor mournful, as my preferred candidate was not on the ballot. I know some people are hurting, scared, and sad or feeling especially sensitive. Don’t feel obligated to read. This was simply my own personal exercise in processing my thoughts, which I’m only sharing only […]

Firsts, Fumbles, and Faith

Inspired by Bloggers

Before this blog was a reality, while still in the planning stages, someone asked me if I ever read blogs. That was a great question! My answer was no. I mean, I had read a few blogs but did not really follow any or read any blogs regularly other than news blogs. I remember asking myself if I am qualified to start a blog if I don’t really read them? Haha!

Now I read blogs regularly, follow several blogs, I am inspired by many, and I live vicariously through some of your stories and experiences. I appreciate the time and effort it takes for you to blog your thoughts and experiences.

Live, Love, Grow

Today was an interesting step in our aging process. My husband’s knee surgeon with whom my husband had a six-week follow-up appointment said that we are all dying. It is a part of life. We need to make the best of life at each stage. And, then he wrote a prescription for a jazzy scooter for my husband, along with a prescription for continued PT so he can keep what strength he does have and slow the process of weakening over time.

My husband’s numerous medical challenges have never stopped him from working hard to keep moving with as limited assistance as possible. He is an inspiration for never giving up or giving in. To him, a jazzy scooter feels like a step backward.

I do not see it that way. From my viewpoint, nothing has changed, except it will increase his level of safety when we are going to events, sightseeing, or on trips. It will expand the distance he can safely go and do things around the neighborhood and a greater opportunity to visit with friends and neighbors without someone necessarily needing to be there to push him in his wheelchair. 

Life is not without its difficulties, and it may not always be comfortable, but with adversity comes growth. Someone said once that there is no comfort in the growth zone and no growth in the comfort zone. So, if we, as adults, are all dying anyway, we might as well make the best of it!

Turn That Frown Upside Down

This morning I woke up feeling depressed. It is a feeling like no other. I won’t go into details about how I felt, buy I am blessed to have a husband who cares enough to sit right there and listen to my unreasonable rantings.

My father died in January, but I feel I am just now truly mourning his death… and my mom’s sadness. The loss of a loved one who is such a “larger than life” type of personality really leaves a huge hole of emptiness in the lives of those left behind.

The medication I was taking for anxiety and depression made me feel “numb” to the loss of my dad. The benefit was that I could read the life sketch at my dad’s funeral without tears. People complemented me on how “strong” I was to do that without crying. I didn’t feel strong. I felt numb. I have made some choices since then, that I wonder if I would have made had I not been on that medication. Maybe. But, I can’t help but wonder. I made decisions that go against my values and who I am at my core.

So… three months ago I stopped taking the medication so I could feel “all the feels.” They are strong feelings. Mostly negative. There is an underlying sadness in my life most of the time, which, at times manifests as anger/irritation. I am definitely mourning my father’s loss. Among all of the things I miss, a couple of things really stand out. I miss his common-sense approach to life and his down-to-earth advice.

I also feel deep regret for the choices I made recently that are not representative of who I am. Feelings of regret are the worst. I keep asking myself WHY? Rebelliousness? Midlife crisis? Repressed mourning? Not sure, but regret adds to feelings of deep remorse, unworthiness, anger, frustration, depression, etc. “All the feels.”

So, anyway, this morning I woke up feeling deeply depressed. So, so, very sad. My husband encouraged me to go for a walk with him. After some prompting, I agreed and we went for a walk around the river’s edge. It was a beautiful warm summer morning. The walking and talking with my husband was a much needed distraction and very helpful in changing my feelings. I enjoy the outdoors and the beauty along the river. I have learned it is good to get moving when feeling down. The fresh air was fabulous! I took some pictures along the way. Enjoy!

This brought an immediate smile to my face and a curiosity to my mind. What were they discussing? What is their life’s story?
Enjoying the shade before crossing over the river to walk the other side.
If walls of old buildings could talk….
Smiles  > Frowns

I Run…

How often do you walk or run?

Every.  Single. Time… I am chased by a bear!!  😉

They say anxiety may be caused by having too much cortisol in your system, like your body’s autonomic system is in constant “fight or flight” mode, which encourages your body to release the cortisol hormone. It is as if you are being chased by a bear when there is no bear in sight. It is not healthy for your body to be in a constant feeling of underlying fear or fight.

Do you know what helps reduce that feeling? EXERCISE! So keep walking or running. It is good for your health.

Have a happy day! 😊

Good Habits, Best Results

What daily habit do you do that improves your quality of life?

I don’t do as many good daily habits as  I know I should for better health and attitude. Oh sure, I get up early, shower, and brush my teeth every day before heading off to work.

The things I want to do are: get up before hitting the snooze button three times, exercise for 30 minutes to get my blood pumping and release those all important endorphins to start my day right, and read the scriptures to focus my heart and spirit on the good things. What a great start that would be for my body, mind, and spirit!

My husband and I were reading scriptures and praying together every night before bed. It was great for our spiritual growth as well as connecting us at the end of every day because of the great discussions we had while reading. Then, he had a major surgery that kept us apart for 10 weeks while he was recovering. We got out of the habit of reading and praying together.

Not only that, but I started down a destructive path of reading material that put questions in my mind about everything I believed. I began to question my faith, and I flirted with other destructive behaviors because of my new way of thinking… you know… thinking that we only go around once, so what does it matter if I do this or that.

People tend to get hurt when we start behaving in ways that are not in keeping with what we value. If we value our marriage, we develop habits to keep that relationship strong. If we value building our understanding of our relationship with God, then we keep in the habit of doing things to maintain that. If we value family, then we spend quality time with them. ETC.

Daily good habits will improve our quality of life in the areas where we focus those habits. The opposite is also true. If we do not make time in our lives to form and maintain good daily habits, others will fall in their place.

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

-Gandhi

Here is a great blog post about creating new habits:

And then this happened…

Feeling very emotional, one day, I wondered if I could release my emotions through a fictional scene created from emotions I was feeling. In my mind, I was screaming right along with her. Here is the result…

It is not very long, but it’s a start. And it is fiction. And it worked! The emotions I felt were screamed right out along with her feelings. In my mind, I screamed with her, pulled my hair out with her, jerked away from the technician, sobbed and walked around the firepit aimlessly. It was a very interesting experience/experiment.

The story brings up so many questions and could go any direction. Thoughts?

Making the best of it

Monday. Sitting here with my husband at the North Clinic Check-in, waiting for his appointment with the orthopedic surgeon to look at his left knee. Again. The appointment, which was scheduled in August, can now be canceled.

Three days ago, my husband stood up from the bed with the aid of his walker and nearly collapsed to the floor. The pain in his left knee was excruciating. Fear filled the room like fog filling the room from a fog machine at a rock concert. Not another infection! You see, once you have MRSA in your system, it lies dormant and can rear its ugly head at any time.

The medical assistant in black scrubs with a long french-braided ponytail cascading down the middle if her back checked my husband in. She happily asked, “Where’s the pain? When did it start? What meds are you on?” He answered each question. She stumbled over a couple of words, which she blamed on the fact she had just returned home last night after spending a month in France for “study abroad” so she was a little tired. That was not something I would have guessed about her. She seemed awake, happy, and her word stumbles were not noticeable. I wanted to talk about her experience in France, but she was quick at doing her job and the next thing I knew, she was headed out the door to let the doctor know his next patient was ready to be seen.

The doctor is easy to talk to and very personable, a bit unusual for most surgeons. Long story short, another surgery is in my husband’s future. In three weeks, he will have his 9th knee removal and/or replacement surgery.

Here we go again. Good thing he is full of determination. Sigh….

Smokey Sunset

Tuesday. Our conversation on the ride home last evening after Joe’s appointment was mostly about what he was feeling about another surgery and we started planning for an upcoming week-long stay that our 7-year-old grandson has with us prior to the surgery.

Our daughter said our grandson is very excited to spend the week with us rather than his other grandparents because he “gets too bored” when he stays with them. And, I thought they were the fun/interesting ones! Now, I am questioning our planned trip to the museum. Guess we better throw in an ice cream cone. 😉

Life goes on…. Make the best of it!

Step it Up

The number of steps from my car parked in the parking garage at the University Hospital to the top of these stairs is 210. The number of stairs between the escalators is 25. The number of steps from the bottom of the escalators to the cafeteria is 103. I did not count the steps from the top of the stairs to the elevator or from the elevator to my husband’s room on the top floor.

I figure I walk about 1000 steps total for each daily visit, including walking up the stairs after every visit to the cafeteria. I thought that was pretty good. Then, my husband told me that a person should walk 10,000 steps a day to maintain good health.

An article in New Scientist says walking between 9000 and 10000 steps per day appears to reduce the risk of early death or heart related event.

My heart was beating out of my chest and my lungs were huffing and puffing with every climb up those stairs and walking the distance to the elevator and from there to my husband’s hospital room. Those stairs really should count for something…extra!

I wish driving counted. I am going to put a lot of hours and miles on the car for the next several weeks visiting my husband every weekend in the physical rehabilitation facility located three and a half hours from home for the next 6 weeks. He just spent 7 nights in the hospital following an emergent (5-hour) knee replacement revision surgery due to an MRSA infection that then spread to his bloodstream. 

I will walk at the gym or around the neighborhood to increase my number of steps while at home. I will listen to books on tape or podcasts driving to and from the PT rehabilitation facility. I will increase my heart health and mind health while my husband is simultaneously increasing his physical health.

Goals are good.