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My View From Here

Living in the city, no matter the size, is waking in the morning to the smell and feel of fresh night air. A yawn and a stretch later, that intoxicating aroma is smothered by the sickening odor of exhaust and fumes of an awaking city full of automobiles rushing to a destination of “another day, another dollar” hoping to make ends meet in an increasingly greedy world.

Closing the window as if closing my mind to this life in the city where each house surrounding ours feels like claustrophobia crowding out the freedom I felt on the four acres that was once our home in the country. Will my longing for a return to that life ever cease?

Children’s eyes are different. They do not view life the same as adult’s eyes do. Young people see each day or each event as an opportunity for adventure. 

Recently, my grandson and his friend shared an ephemeral moment in the rain, one of those moments that was as forever memorable as it was fleeting.

Two eight-year-old boys walking in the rain, pouring from giant buckets in the clouds. They could barely see their water soaked shoes as they splashed through growing puddles on their journey toward a moment of discovery two blocks away… pipes and drains, drain fields, and rising water. How did the water get in the pipes? Why was the water rushing out of them like a firehose? How much water could the drain field hold?

Shivering, wet, and cold, yet undeterred, they returned home full of excitement and questions about their discovery, each of them barely noticing the towels their mothers wrapped around their soaking wet bodies, heads shaking the water out of their hair like puppies shaking their furry bodies, twisting and turning and wagging their tails hoping someone will pay attention to them and pet them lovingly. 

This was a moment frozen in my mind as I longed to be eight again to feel the freedom and excitement of new discoveries… even in rain-soaked clothing. Not having a care in the world other than having fun with my friend in a field in the rain. Even in the city…. Children’s eyes are different. 

I wish that at almost 60, I could relax and enjoy the freedom of discovery on a rainy afternoon like a child, and not worry about my shoes being wet, or my hair looking flat, or water dripping onto the carpet upon my return. Adults view life differently.

I’m not saying one decade of life is better or worse than another. It’s just different.  Ahhhhh….

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Memorial Weekend

Even as a child, I loved the peace and quiet of a cemetery. Today, as my mom, siblings, and I stood near Dad’s headstone, we shared a few memories and a few laughs. Dad would have been laughing right along with us…. He probably was. 😉

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Snapshots of Life

The sun was dropping, the air was cooling, and the shadows were lengthening as I briskly walked around the almost two-mile loop at our community park. Several snapshots of life jumped out at me as I progressed along the path.

There were groups of small children talking, laughing, and squealing as they ran from one gym equipment piece to another. Parents were loitering around the playground equipment, visiting with other parents or keeping their eyes on their cell phones and their ears glued to the sound of the ones they were responsible for.

Opposite of them were a group of older gradeschoolers running back and forth as directed by their soccer coaches. They were listening intently and working hard. Parents were seated nearby in camp chairs they had undoubtedly carried with them from their cars in the parking lot. I wondered how many of the parents were friends outside of this practice circle. How many of the girls were friends at school or in the neighborhood? 

There was a young couple sitting on a bench. He had his arm around her. She was looking up at him, talking flirtatiously and giggling as she pulled her feet up and tucked them in under her small frame. Ahhh… young love. How did they meet? How long had they been dating? Will they end up together?

Since I was walking the opposite direction of most people I saw friends walking and talking, a middle-aged couple walking their dog, a multi generational family, and a couple in their 30’s holding hands as they walked and talked deliberately, lost to the world around them.

There was a young couple with a cute toddler girl who was having a bit of a meltdown. They were lovingly trying to comfort and console her, but she was not having it. As I walked past them and her cries faded further in the distance, I remembered that stage of parenthood and felt connected to them for a moment. Then, the moment passed, and I was grateful my children were grown.

It felt as if I was walking into the setting sun, past nastalgic snapshots of my own life’s memories, grateful for every stage along the way and even grateful for where I am today, with most of those stages of life behind me.

Sigh….

Looking forward with gratitude…that I can look behind with fondness.

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Our Night at the Movies

“Mom, do you want to go to see a movie with us at the theater?”

She said, “Yes, I would like that. it has been a long time since I have seen a movie at the theater.”

As a child, Mom got to see movies for free anytime she wanted because her dad, my grandpa, ran the movies at the theater in the small town where she grew up. She and her sisters spent a lot of time watching those old reel movies that their dad played.

She asked what movie we were going to see. I told her it is a movie called “Last Breath,” a true story about the rescue of a seasoned deep sea diver.

Mom does not have as much pep in her step as she used to, so we walked slowly from the parking lot to the theater building. We arrived early so we could pay for our tickets and purchase popcorn and drinks and find good seats. There were not many people in the lobby. We were able to walk right up to the counter and make our purchase. Apparently, it has been awhile since we have been to a movie because upon purchasing a ticket to the see our specific movie, the guy behind the counter pointed to the screen in front of me and asked us to choose our seats for the duration of the movie. That was a first! There were only 4 or five that were taken already, so we picked the perfect seats directly behind the wall which was located behind the handicapped area.

Mom was happily impressed that the tin bucket of popcorn even had a handle, which made it easier to carry with her drink as we walked to the napkin counter to pick up napkins and straws for our drinks. I always get fruit punch to drink with my buttery popcorn at the theater. It is the best combo!

We made our way to the theater at the end of the long hallway passing theater after theater rooms. The ads were already playing as we made our way to our chosen seats. The first challenge was to open the seat while holding a drink in one hand and popcorn, napkins, and the straw in the other hand. I backed up to my seat and slowly and gently slid it open as I sat down. My mom tried the same thing. Hers was more of a PLOP right down than a gentle sliding of the seat. She exclaimed she thought she was going straight down to the ground. We had a good laugh as we settled in, placing the drinks in the holders, removing our jackets, and placing the tins of popcorn on the napkins our laps. I’m sure Joe was picturing a scene from the Three Stooges, but he was the smart, cool one. Haha.

The ads on the screen were not the local ads we were accustomed to seeing. These were national ads that we see on TV. I guess they had to keep the movie theaters afloat somehow. National ads pay more, I’m sure.

When the movie finally started, we were sucked right in. Woody Harrelson played his part well. They all did. The movie was suspenseful and every time something unexpected popped up, my poor mom nearly jumped out of her seat! We had a few good laughs, enjoyed the popcorn, and a great movie together.

I am so grateful for a mom who is willing to experience new activities or ones she has not done in a long time, even in her eighties!

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Enjoying Retirement

Daily writing prompt
What were your parents doing at your age?
View all responses

When my dad was my age, he was retired, as was my mom. My parents traveled to see us where we lived in the upper Midwest at the time. Those were the best years for my mom. She loved to travel, which must be where I get my love of traveling and adventure!

Numerous events happened the year my mom was my age. It was 2001. It was the one-year anniversary of my paternal grandfather’s passing. My husband was diagnosed with MS. 9/11 happened. My husband took early medical retirement in October. I quit my job in early November. We sold our house and moved back to the western side of the Rockies where my parents still lived. That was the last long trip my parents took, when they drove out to help us move back home.

My parents seemed so young and active when they were my age. I feel so aged with the stress of working full-time and my health issues. In fact, I am waiting for the results of an MRI I had done just yesterday. It seems I may be having an MS exacerbation. (Yes, my husband and I both have MS, diagnosed 10 years apart.) I have new and worsening symptoms of numbness in my feet and hands, muscle cramping and tightness, heaviness in my legs with walking, and exhaustion in the afternoons. I don’t know for sure. It may not be MS, it could just be stress. I will know for sure in a couple of days.

Anyway, I am grateful for the time and money my parents spent in traveling out to see us when we lived in Minnesota. We have many fun memories of time spent with them there. We took many walks around the parks along the Mississippi River and even took a boat ride in my husband’s boat on the Mississippi River a time or two. We have fun memories fishing, spending time at the cabin, shopping thrift stores and pottery shops, and sharing our day-to-day activities when they came and stayed with us.

I remember the first time they came out to visit us. They were not used to the humid summers in the upper Midwest. My mom mentioned more than once how strange it was to take a shower in the mornings and put on fresh clothes from the closet that felt like they were almost still “wet.” They were used to the dry desert heat back home. That was when we figured out we needed a dehumidifier. Dehumidifiers were not a necessity in the west, but they sure keep a house dry during the dog days of summer in those quaint little river towns along the Mississippi River.

Thank you for letting me share a walk down memory lane prompted by this question.

Posted on by ChatterLei · 8 Comments

Enjoying a Moment

Sitting quietly in the living room slightly reclined on the sofa, I am breathing easy and wishing for many calm relaxing moments like this. My husband is resting in bed. I am sitting here alone with my thoughts and my laptop. It is a frigid 13 degrees outside, but a toasty 73 degrees inside.

My sister lives around the block. It’s not a square block, but it is within a short walking distance. She has the best space for gathering our family together. Today, she and I celebrated our January birthdays with our families. We served pulled pork and slaw on a bun with fruit and veggies on the side. It was a simple meal we could easily serve on paper plates for easy cleanup so we could quickly start a game of Farkle after dinner. Have you played Farkle? That game is addictive!

My daughter made a luscious lemon birthday cake with raspberry filling and white chocolate ganache frosting, topped with a beautiful barely pink edible peony flower (that she made) and edible gold leaf sprinkled here and there across the cake. It was as beautifully rich looking as it was delicious. Ours was the fourth cake she has made this week. She was truly in her element. She loves baking and creating fun and beautiful cakes for her customers.

That is the same way I felt as a photographer in my 40’s. I LOVED creating and capturing those incredible fleeting moments in life-weddings, graduations, births, family portraits. It brought a moment of exhilarating pride whenever I could envision a beautiful outdoor backdrop that a customer could not imagine until they saw the finished image. Behind a camera I was in my element. People photography is not something I do anymore, but I love to freeze-frame the beauty of this amazing earth, changing seasons, rocks, hills, meadows, mountains, lakes, rivers, oceans, trees, sunsets, as well as manmade buildings, barns, old castles, etc.

So, my sister is double-nickel and I am pushing 60. It won’t be very many more birthdays before AARP will be knocking at my door. Until then, I will keep working, enjoying my grandchildren, and hopefully taking a trip or two with my husband to see some of the beauty this world has to offer in other states or countries where we don’t live.

Yes, enjoying a quiet moment to contemplate life, reminisce, and dream. What a lovely day this has been!

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1000 Books

Our oldest daughter announced to us at our Christmas family gathering, then announced on Facebook (because if it is on Facebook, then it really happened) that she set a goal in 2024 to read 1000 books. And, she achieved that goal! Divide that by 365 to know how many books she needed to average DAILY. I can’t even imagine reading ONE book a day! She was honest when she shared this achievement with the family that she mostly read romance novels that are quick reads. She is a very fast reader anyway, but reading that genre only helped to increase the number of books she could read at one sitting.

After she made this announcement at our family gathering, I leaned over to her 15-year-old autistic boy, gave him a nudge and said, “Your mom is back!” He, being a literal thinker, looked at me questioningly, then looked at her and back at me again. I said, “Your mom read 1000 books in a year. She obviously, was not very present in the moments. Since she will not be reading so much, she should be able to be more present in your daily life.” In a softly defensive response, she said, “We spend every Friday together because he volunteers at the library with me and we get to go to lunch together.” Well, I guess that is better than nothing and everyone parents their own way. Who am I to judge?

She has always been a bit goal oriented and well educated. While working full time she went to a local college and received her Bachelor’s Degree. Then she trotted herself off to Scotland for a year where she could fast track receiving her Master’s Degree in something that would help her become a top librarian at our local library. Our grandson stayed home with his dad while his mom was gone that year. They seemed to make it work.

I bet you are not surprised she is a librarian… and a good one, at that.

I suppose that when you are surrounded by books all day every day, it would make sense that you would want to devour a few!

Posted on by ChatterLei · 4 Comments

More Time…

Daily writing prompt
What is the greatest gift someone could give you?
View all responses

with my Dad. That is not possible, so I just marinate in the memories.

Two years before Dad died, which was last January, he got Covid 19. It robbed him of his ability to smell and taste everything except tomatoes for the rest of his life. He was not in the best of health for the last several years before his passing. Mom was good to care for him for most of those years. He was mostly homebound except for the mornings he would wake up and say he wanted to drive himself and Mom over to McDonald’s for a McGriddle. He could not really taste them, but said they felt good in his mouth. He was always a breakfast guy. I suppose I am like him in that way. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day.

Anyway…

Since Dad was mostly homebound, so was Mom. She did not get to travel like she would have liked. She did not get to eat out or go shopping much. She was home with Dad. That is just how she was and how their marriage worked. He was home, so she was home. Now that Dad is gone, she can explore more opportunities to go places. She says “yes” a lot more now.

In the last year, Mom has eaten out a few more times than ever before. She has gone to lunch with friends. She goes to her sister’s house once a month for a scripture study meeting. She went to San Diego with my sister in the spring. She is in the process of getting her passport and is planning to go on a cruise with us this year. I can hardly wait to experience that with her! As sad as we are about Dad’s passing, we are equally excited to share some of Mom’s “first-time” experiences.

In the meantime, tonight, my husband and I, my sister, her husband, their daughter, and my brother are going to take mom to Longhorn Steakhouse for dinner for her first time. She is going to love the creamy cheesy smothered chicken breast, mashed potatoes and strawberry salad.

I am grateful for the gift we have been given of this time with Mom and opportunities to explore some of the experiences with her that this life has to offer.

Posted on by ChatterLei · 3 Comments

Happy New Year

What are your biggest challenges?

Apparently, one of my biggest challenges is remembering to take pictures with my family on the holidays. It is regretful. Next year, there will be no photo that will pop up in my memories on my phone from a year ago. No photo memory of today – January 1, 2025.

The morning started with Joe washing 20 big beautiful baker-sized Idaho Potatoes, wrapping them in foil, and placing them in the electric roaster oven while I showered and get ready for the day.

He readied the 14-lb prime rib, gathered all the seasonings and other fixings, and placed the three pies we made yesterday (blueberry, cherry, and mincemeat) into the back of our pickup.

We drove around the block to my sister’s house, where we arrived at about 11AM. Joe seasoned the prime rib and had it in the 500-degree oven by 11:30AM. Ten minutes later, he turned the oven down to 325⁰ and it was perfectly done to medium rare at 2:45PM.

While the meat and potatoes cooked, six of us played Farkle. Have you ever played? It is a fun dice game for two players or more. I had never played until last week. Joe and I like playing it together in the evenings.

At one point, I noticed our teenage grandchildren were gathered at one end of the table with their phones in their hands, mostly lost in their own worlds, but every once in awhile sharing with each other a funny video they saw or some other new discovery.   At the other end of the table, the adults were visiting with one another. I wondered to myself what the grandchildren had ever taken time to learn about my mom, their great grandmother.

My first question to them was if they knew where she was born. I was a little surprised so many of them knew the answer. Then I asked what year she was born and how old she was when she and my dad were married. I asked if they knew where. Did they know how many siblings my parents each had and could they name them all. It was impressive to me that they knew so much. We then asked about my husband’s family and pulled out some photos we had of them.

We had a great day filled with fun, laughter, reminiscing, and good food. My dad started this tradition of prime rib with the family on New Years Day. We missed him for sure. But today’s time spent with family was a great start to the new year.

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So Much Love

Last night, I was making a delivery in a neighborhood I did not recognize. It seemed like several neighborhoods together covering one large area. My directions seemed to be unclear as I was driving. I pulled over to the right next to some houses and a one story small building so I could get a better idea of where I was in comparison to my destination. 

I pulled over next to a car that was parked at the end of an island. We were both perpendicular to this long island, which is located as a divider between two roads. (This was a fancy neighborhood.)

My attention was on the map on my phone when I noticed out of the corner of my eye two people exiting the building. I realized it was a hair salon and the two people walking to the car next to me were my parents!

I had gotten out of my car and walked up toward the building where I was standing in the shade talking with my mom. My dad slowly walked around the drivers side toward the back of their car and lifted the hatch so he could place his walker behind the back seat of their small SUV. He was smiling. I called out to him to be careful. I turned and smiled at my mom and noticed how nice her new haircut was. I looked back at my dad, who seemed so content.

Next thing I know, they are in their vehicle slowly driving away. I waved, still smiling, because it was so nice to see them unexpectedly.

Just then, my alarm went off. It was morning already. I hit snooze, lay back on my pillow and started thinking about my day. What day is it? Oh, yes, it is Tuesday. My husband needs me to wake him before I leave for work today. And, I need to leave a little early from work so that I have time to pick up my mom and take her… to get her hair cut.

Then, the realization washes over me. It was a dream. But, it was SO real. My dad was alive and smiling. But, it was just a dream. The reality is that he is gone. He has been gone since January. My eyes welled up with tears. I could not stop them. So much love was quietly spilling out and running down my cheeks. It happens frequently these days.

This is only the second time I have seen my dad in a dream. The first time did not leave such a feeling of longing for him to still be in my life. To be there to talk to whenever I want to. To see his smile. To feel my own smile and happiness.

There will be an underlying current of sadness as I go about my day today, but also a belief that I know my dad is in a better place. A happy place, which pulls the corners of my mouth upward. It’s ok to smile at the thought of him in a better place, free of pain and challenges.

Yes, it is OK to smile….

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Inspired by Bloggers

Before this blog was a reality, while still in the planning stages, someone asked me if I ever read blogs. That was a great question! My answer was no. I mean, I had read a few blogs but did not really follow any or read any blogs regularly other than news blogs. I remember asking myself if I am qualified to start a blog if I don’t really read them? Haha!

Now I read blogs regularly, follow several blogs, I am inspired by many, and I live vicariously through some of your stories and experiences. I appreciate the time and effort it takes for you to blog your thoughts and experiences.

Live, Love, Grow

Today was an interesting step in our aging process. My husband’s knee surgeon with whom my husband had a six-week follow-up appointment said that we are all dying. It is a part of life. We need to make the best of life at each stage. And, then he wrote a prescription for a jazzy scooter for my husband, along with a prescription for continued PT so he can keep what strength he does have and slow the process of weakening over time.

My husband’s numerous medical challenges have never stopped him from working hard to keep moving with as limited assistance as possible. He is an inspiration for never giving up or giving in. To him, a jazzy scooter feels like a step backward.

I do not see it that way. From my viewpoint, nothing has changed, except it will increase his level of safety when we are going to events, sightseeing, or on trips. It will expand the distance he can safely go and do things around the neighborhood and a greater opportunity to visit with friends and neighbors without someone necessarily needing to be there to push him in his wheelchair. 

Life is not without its difficulties, and it may not always be comfortable, but with adversity comes growth. Someone said once that there is no comfort in the growth zone and no growth in the comfort zone. So, if we, as adults, are all dying anyway, we might as well make the best of it!

Posted on by ChatterLei · 1 Comment

Little League Soccer :)

What things give you energy?

I’m sitting here this morning with my huband, mom, and daughter, watching my grandson and his teammates chase the soccer ball from one end of the field to the other. The ball slices through the cool crisp air until another young set of legs stops its drive. It brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart to see my grandson’s face light up every time his foot connects with the ball. Their team might be scoreless, but they sure are having fun! Cheering gives me energy.