Posted on by ChatterLei

My Mom’s Friend is My Friend’s Mom

Tuesday, I took my mom to the doctor to discuss the pain in her knees. His office retook X-rays of her knees and said there was nothing broken. He gave her a cortisol injection in both knees, said she probably has a “bone bruise” from her last couple of falls, and sent her on her way.

She was thrilled there were no limitations placed on her (except for the excruciating pain she has been feeling) so she was free to attend the outdoor concert with her friends by the river. These friends and my mom have all lost their husbands. So, they really enjoy their “girls night out.”

The friend who picked my mom up drives a minivan so all of their friends can fit. (There are five women in total who ride to the river together.) She put my mom’s walker behind the back seat in the van. As she closed the hatch, she looked my way, then walked over next to me and asked if there are any restrictions or instructions from the doctor that she should be aware of.

Mind you, my mom’s friend just recently decided to get up off her “deathbed” and start “living life again.” She hardly eats anything. She is so small and frail, looks like skin and bones. She is younger then my mom by 3 years, but looks older than her (from all of the weight loss). I almost couldn’t contain my reaction when she asked me about my mom’s restrictions and then said she will take care of her the best she can. It was so sweet of her, but…really? Oh my! I thought later that I should have asked if her she was given any instructions or restrictions from her doctors and should I go along to help take care of all of them?

My mom’s friend is my friend’s mom.

My friend and I met in the 2nd grade. (We are almost retirement age and our moms are in their early 80’s. Well, I guess maybe her mom is only 79 or so.) Anyway, we went to school together, even double-dated in high school. We both married navy guys who each go by the same name. They have different legal names, but go by the same name. We were each other’s bridesmaids in our weddings. We kept in touch when she moved out of state to the upper Northwest and when I moved out of state to the upper Midwest. We sent cards and letters over the years to keep updated about our kids and our lives. We were the best of friends. But, distance and time can change things.

Mostly, misunderstandings can change things.

We are both back in the same town where we grew up. Unfortunately, we had a couple of falling outs over the years and she even stopped talking with me for several years. We are back on speaking terms and we try to get together with our husbands for dinner every now and then, but the closeness will never be the same.

My friend and I have both lost our dads. She lost her dad to covid in 2020. I lost my dad to watershed strokes in 2024. I am hopeful, that soon, my friend’s mom, my friend, my mom, and I can get together for lunch or something. That would be such a cool moment, all of these years later.

Posted on by ChatterLei · 2 Comments

Our Life is Like…

Joe and I were lying awake this morning talking about life as we like to do these days. He said living with me has been like living life at an amusement park.

“What?! How so?”

He said sometimes you go and have so much fun you can hardly stand it. Sometimes, you are at the park with thousands of people and you feel all alone. Sometimes you are there with thousands of people and you feel like you are caught up in all of the fun and excitement right along with them.

At times it feels like being on a giant roller coaster and your stomach is in knots with every twist and turn. One minute you are on the highest high the next minute you are at the lowest low. Just when you feel like you are getting used to the ride, it comes a screeching halt.

It feels at times like you are playing all the right games and all you can do is win. You are walking around as proud as a peacock with your arms full of prizes. Then there are times you feel like you can’t win for losing, no matter how hard you try.

Sometimes, the food is so good it leaves you wanting more and other times all you want to do is find the nearest McDonalds, Wendy’s or Taco Bell.

When the temperature feels just right, you could linger for hours, but when it is too hot or too rainy and cold, you can’t make your way out fast enough.

But, no matter the weather, environment, or the mood. We are always walking through it all…. hand-in-hand… together. Awww….

Isn’t that sweet?! Like ice cream melting in the hot sun and dripping down the cone all over your brand new shoes. Haha!

Can you tell this was AI generated?
Posted on by ChatterLei · 2 Comments

Blessed!

Describe a family member.

Our Colorful Corner of the World

This beautiful Sunday morning, as I look out the back door at this corner of our yard, my thoughts are drawn to the beauty of change, the clouds in the sky, the mostly empty flower pots, and the raised garden box, which contains one last 2-inch long zucchini that I was hoping would beat the first freeze of the year. It did not. We will be pulling that plant out today.

My husband built the raised garden box, so gardening would be more comfortable for us as we age. Every spring he helps me plant vegetables, usually two tomato plants – cherry tomatoes and an early girl or big boy plant, a sweet pepper, a zucchini, a cantaloupe, and a couple of herb plants. I like onions, carrots, radishes, peas, and beans, too. Over the years, we have planted these in the box or the ground if the garden box is too full for all of the veggies and fruits we want to plant.

He is the type to keep the garden and all of the flowers watered, dead-headed, and/or weeded, as necessary, yet gives me the credit for our garden and flowers. Isn’t that sweet of him?!

He is a hard worker – definitely not lazy. He is kind to me, never mean. He has a disability, but does not let that stop him from doing all he can within his limitations. He gets a little discouraged sometimes because he can’t do all that he wants to do, but he rarely shows bitterness or frustration. He just keeps pushing through, sacrificing time and energy for me and our family.

He has MS, has had several back and neck surgeries, has nearly died twice from necrotizing fasciitis (flesh-eating bacteria) once in each leg, has had nine (yes nine!) knee replacements and removals due to MRSA infections (four surgeries in one knee and five in the other), not to mention bladder cancer and congestive heart failure. He has had other surgeries and has other health concerns, but you get the point.

It is amazing to me that he still functions at the level he does. Walking mostly with a walker now, he gets around pretty well. I think anyone else would be in a wheelchair or bed ridden by now.

When I was diagnosed with MS, thirteen years ago, ten years after my husband’s MS diagnosis, I was shocked and scared, but I had a wonderful example to follow. He learned to accept it and not let it stop him. I realized I could accept my diagnosis and learn to live with it, as well.

My favorite thing is when Joe walks out of the bathroom with my hairbrush in his hand, sits on the couch in the living room, and motions for me to sit on the floor in front of him so he can brush my hair while we talk. It is a very loving, kind gesture that I will never tire of and always feel gratitude for, especially after I have had a long day at work.

He shows me and our family unconditional love, kindness, generosity and sacrifice of time and energy, how to roll with the punches, and get back up every time he gets knocked down (or falls down). He loves the Lord and his family. I feel so blessed he is my husband and want to be like him when I grow up! 😉 ❤️

Posted on by ChatterLei

God Knows…

Her
Happy childhood innocence.

Her
Desire to live life to the fullest.

Her
Insatiable curiosity.

Her
Naivete.

Her
Regretful choices.

Her
Eyes, opened to the consequences.

Her
Heart, filled with love and grief.

Her
Hidden pain, so deep.

Her
Desire to sleep… forever.

Her
Determination to live.

Her
Willingness to align her will to His.

Her
Faith, deep down, is unbreakable.

God knows HER!
And He loves her! Mightily!

Posted on by ChatterLei

Inspired by Bloggers

Before this blog was a reality, while still in the planning stages, someone asked me if I ever read blogs. That was a great question! My answer was no. I mean, I had read a few blogs but did not really follow any or read any blogs regularly other than news blogs. I remember asking myself if I am qualified to start a blog if I don’t really read them? Haha!

Now I read blogs regularly, follow several blogs, I am inspired by many, and I live vicariously through some of your stories and experiences. I appreciate the time and effort it takes for you to blog your thoughts and experiences.

Live, Love, Grow

Today was an interesting step in our aging process. My husband’s knee surgeon with whom my husband had a six-week follow-up appointment said that we are all dying. It is a part of life. We need to make the best of life at each stage. And, then he wrote a prescription for a jazzy scooter for my husband, along with a prescription for continued PT so he can keep what strength he does have and slow the process of weakening over time.

My husband’s numerous medical challenges have never stopped him from working hard to keep moving with as limited assistance as possible. He is an inspiration for never giving up or giving in. To him, a jazzy scooter feels like a step backward.

I do not see it that way. From my viewpoint, nothing has changed, except it will increase his level of safety when we are going to events, sightseeing, or on trips. It will expand the distance he can safely go and do things around the neighborhood and a greater opportunity to visit with friends and neighbors without someone necessarily needing to be there to push him in his wheelchair. 

Life is not without its difficulties, and it may not always be comfortable, but with adversity comes growth. Someone said once that there is no comfort in the growth zone and no growth in the comfort zone. So, if we, as adults, are all dying anyway, we might as well make the best of it!

Posted on by ChatterLei · 4 Comments

Turn That Frown Upside Down

This morning I woke up feeling depressed. It is a feeling like no other. I won’t go into details about how I felt, buy I am blessed to have a husband who cares enough to sit right there and listen to my unreasonable rantings.

My father died in January, but I feel I am just now truly mourning his death… and my mom’s sadness. The loss of a loved one who is such a “larger than life” type of personality really leaves a huge hole of emptiness in the lives of those left behind.

The medication I was taking for anxiety and depression made me feel “numb” to the loss of my dad. The benefit was that I could read the life sketch at my dad’s funeral without tears. People complemented me on how “strong” I was to do that without crying. I didn’t feel strong. I felt numb. I have made some choices since then, that I wonder if I would have made had I not been on that medication. Maybe. But, I can’t help but wonder. I made decisions that go against my values and who I am at my core.

So… three months ago I stopped taking the medication so I could feel “all the feels.” They are strong feelings. Mostly negative. There is an underlying sadness in my life most of the time, which, at times manifests as anger/irritation. I am definitely mourning my father’s loss. Among all of the things I miss, a couple of things really stand out. I miss his common-sense approach to life and his down-to-earth advice.

I also feel deep regret for the choices I made recently that are not representative of who I am. Feelings of regret are the worst. I keep asking myself WHY? Rebelliousness? Midlife crisis? Repressed mourning? Not sure, but regret adds to feelings of deep remorse, unworthiness, anger, frustration, depression, etc. “All the feels.”

So, anyway, this morning I woke up feeling deeply depressed. So, so, very sad. My husband encouraged me to go for a walk with him. After some prompting, I agreed and we went for a walk around the river’s edge. It was a beautiful warm summer morning. The walking and talking with my husband was a much needed distraction and very helpful in changing my feelings. I enjoy the outdoors and the beauty along the river. I have learned it is good to get moving when feeling down. The fresh air was fabulous! I took some pictures along the way. Enjoy!

This brought an immediate smile to my face and a curiosity to my mind. What were they discussing? What is their life’s story?
Enjoying the shade before crossing over the river to walk the other side.
If walls of old buildings could talk….
Smiles  > Frowns
Posted on by ChatterLei · 2 Comments

It’s Life

What are you doing this evening?

Watching the presidential debate between former President Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris. Nothing earth-shattering to report. In my opinion, if an Independent was watching, I doubt they were swayed one way or the other.

I’m also thinking of my dad. Today would have been his 85th birthday. He passed away this last January. It would have been interesting to hear his take on the debate. He was a Trump supporter who liked the economy when Trump was in office.

It was a rough day. One thing I did not anticipate upon my dad’s death was my brother moving in with my mom and how that would change the dynamics of my relationship with my mom. He is divorced, and in his 50’s, so he is not responsible for anyone else. He and I have not really ever been on the same “sense of responsibility” scale.

My worry is that he will take advantage of our mom financially. But, I believe we are only taken advantage of as far as we allow it… unless there is a mind altering substance involved. In this situation, there is none of that. So, I just have to trust he has her best interest at heart. Maybe now that I know my mom feels good about relying on my brother, my husband and I can move to an area in a warmer climate.

I’m feeling a little lost. Our children are grown and raising families of their own. My mom doesn’t need us like I thought she would. My sister is happily married, working, and nearing retirement. Maybe I should quit my job, sell the house, and, as I mentioned, take my retired husband and move to a warmer part of the country. All of my family lives here in my hometown. There are a lot of memories here. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Maybe a new start in a new place with people our own age (haha) would not be so bad.

The question is, where? Nevada, where there are no taxes? California, where the governor scares me? Arizona? New Mexico? Southern Utah, where the dirt is red? Let the dreaming begin! (Or figuring out I am just feeling emotional and trying to run away from it all!)

My husband and his unconditional love amazes me! So grateful he is willing to ride this rollercoaster of a life with me!

Posted on by ChatterLei · 3 Comments

Gratitude

Daily writing prompt
What positive emotion do you feel most often?
View all responses

Lately, the positive emotion I feel most often is gratitude. Especially for my husband. Because of him, my mom, and one of my daughters, I know what unconditional love feels like. My husband loves me as I am, no expectations for me to be someone other than I am. All he has ever wanted is for me to be happy. I used to think he did not care enough to share an opinion, but now I realize it is because he loves me as I am. He does not want to try to make become what HE thinks I should be. He wants me to be my own best self according to what that looks like for me.

He also believes in 2nd and 3rd and 4th and… so on… chances. He is very forgiving, loving, and kind. He is respectful, so very respectful. He always has my back. I can count on him to always be there for me. He has my best interest at heart, not his own selfish desires.

I took it for granted. But, never again. I am so GRATEFUL for my husband. He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me, as the saying goes. We are perfect for each other.

Posted on by ChatterLei

Hobby? Too Much of a Good Thing? Or Escape From Reality?

Finding a geocache in the woods

Geocaching is something new to me that I only recently learned about. My daughter and son-in-law found one when out hiking an easy trail while out camping near a lake last year.

This week, a friend was talking about her husband and that he likes to hunt for geocaches. He has been involved with this hobby for many years. She expressed a bit of frustration when sharing with me that he is a top geocacher. He has found at least 50,000 geocaches! Fifty thousand! That is a lot of time spent outdoors searching for a small box with or without some tiny trinket or toy, as well as a pen or pencil and paper on which to leave a signature, as proof of his discovery.

The geocacher’s wife, said he walks with arm crutches. He has multiple cancers he is fighting. He has had all of the treatments available for his cancers. Now it’s a matter of time. Agent orange. Like covid, it is a thief.

Our patient worries about him out there searching for these geocaches. Alone. She wishes he would spend more time at home doing things that “matter.” I thought about all of the time effort and money he has spent on doing this hobby of searching for boxes with notepads where he has left his signature over 50 thousand times. My guess is, he has had some interesting moments out there by himself or with a buddy hiking in the outdoors, maybe appreciating God’s creations along the way. Journaling or blogging would have been a great place for him to share his ponderings and experiences.

I wonder if his wife ever went with him. I wonder if he every invited her to go along. They could have shared some wonderful moments of conversation, candid photos, and laughing together. Did I mention he is in his 70’s? I bet he has some great stories to tell.

Posted on by ChatterLei

Aging Gracefully 😉

There are times when my husband needs a little assistance while walking. Yesterday, we were driving to an appointment 3 hours from our home. On the way, we made a stop at a gas station to buy a drink and use the restroom. (We must make a purchase if we stop and use the restroom at a gas station or it just feels weird.)

Upon arriving in the parking lot, I pulled slowly into the handicap ♿️ parking space, turned the engine off, got out of the driver’s side of the pickup, and walked around to where my husband was already walking toward the entrance into the mini market of the gas station. I slipped my right arm into his left arm to walk with him and give him support as he walked, since he decided not to use his walker for assistance.

My husband used to stand two inches taller than my six-foot height. He now walks with his back bent over and his knees bent, so he appears much shorter than I. It is with some difficulty that I hold his arm in mine while we walk together due to that awkward height difference.

A kind, thoughtful person opened the glass door for my husband and me to easily enter the gas station “snack box” as we refer to it. We smiled gratefully and thanked them for their kindness. Moving past the check-out counter with my husband, I noticed there were fountain drinks in the back corner and thought my husband would like one of those on our way back to the pickup.

As we reached the long wide hallway leading to the bathrooms, I noted the women’s restroom on the right and saw that the men’s restroom was at the end of the hallway on the left. As we passed the women’s restroom, I could feel my husband start to pick up speed. Then I realized he was leaning forward as he picked up speed. My grip on his arm tightened as I leaned farther forward. Suddenly, I left my body. (OK, not really, but I had a moment where I lost control of my body and it felt like it was moving without me controlling the movements.) The next thing I knew I was racing forward and becoming more bent over myself. Then SPLAT! Our phones and glasses went sliding way out in front of us. I could not believe HOW HARD the landing was! I just lay there for what seemed like a quarter of a second, then turned to see if my husband was ok.

Now, keep in mind that he is turning 65 next month, and I am in my late 50’s. And, here we are, sprawled out on the ground like a couple of kids who were running too fast and fell down on purpose. Only, we had further to fall, and it was definitely not part of our plan!

Did I mention I am tall? And overweight? My husband is a “C” shape when he walks. On the floor, though, he and I were both more of an “S” or a “Z” shape scrambling to get up as fast as our newly bruised and pained bodies would get up. Luckily (?) no one was there to see us. Or help us. Or cry out in sympathy for the two old people who had just fallen HARD to the ground on their already painfully aging knees. I got up fairly quickly and walked over to pick up the phones and glasses. Then I helped my husband stand up and limp to the restroom holding the wall as he walked.

As I turned back and headed to the women’s restroom, the thought kept coming to my mind, “It’s true, you know. The taller they are, the harder they fall!” It seemed that every muscle in my body was quivering from tensing up during the fall. The bruises were already showing up on my left knee. I decided then and there that I would not be able to be my husband’s walking assistant. He would need to rely on his walker or his wheelchair.

His response was, “Well, if you are ever helping me again, and I start to fall, just let me fall. I am used to it, and I’m getting really good at it.”

Excuse me while I go get the ice pack for my left knee….

Posted on by ChatterLei

Great Questions!

My husband and I have started getting to know each other better via communication and spending quality time together. I have discovered a few new things about him.

It was fun for me to learn that his favorite flower (he has a favorite flower??) is a Dahlia. My favorite are tulips. We both like roses as our second favorite.

When we were young parents he would get a new rose plant for me every year on Mother’s Day. He was so good to plant them, water them, prune them, prepare them for winter, uncover them in the spring, and even cut them and bring them in the house for me to place in a vase and set them on the table as a beautiful centerpiece. BUT, they were MY flowers. I was so happy to take the credit for MY beautiful flowers…and he was happy to let me.

Here is a sample of a very few of the questions we have asked on another.. These questions come from Today.com “100 questions of couples to ask at any point in their relationship”:

What activity makes you feel alive? Mine is 4-wheeling in the back country with my sister and her husband!

What is something small that really makes your day?

Who is a person you would like see more? Why?

Where are the top three places you would like to visit in the U.S.? San Diego, Florida Keys, and Vermont (where my ancestors are from)

If you vacationed somewhere warm, would you spend more time on the beach or going on excursions (zip lining, hiking, checking out local wildlife, etc.)? Why? I want to go zip lining someday!

What advice would you give your younger self? (Don’t worry so much about what others think. Create your own life and live it!)

What stressors are taking up the most mental real estate right now?

On, and on, and on….

We have been having the best time getting to know each other deeper, and even learning new things about each other.