Posted on by ChatterLei

My Mom’s Friend is My Friend’s Mom

Tuesday, I took my mom to the doctor to discuss the pain in her knees. His office retook X-rays of her knees and said there was nothing broken. He gave her a cortisol injection in both knees, said she probably has a “bone bruise” from her last couple of falls, and sent her on her way.

She was thrilled there were no limitations placed on her (except for the excruciating pain she has been feeling) so she was free to attend the outdoor concert with her friends by the river. These friends and my mom have all lost their husbands. So, they really enjoy their “girls night out.”

The friend who picked my mom up drives a minivan so all of their friends can fit. (There are five women in total who ride to the river together.) She put my mom’s walker behind the back seat in the van. As she closed the hatch, she looked my way, then walked over next to me and asked if there are any restrictions or instructions from the doctor that she should be aware of.

Mind you, my mom’s friend just recently decided to get up off her “deathbed” and start “living life again.” She hardly eats anything. She is so small and frail, looks like skin and bones. She is younger then my mom by 3 years, but looks older than her (from all of the weight loss). I almost couldn’t contain my reaction when she asked me about my mom’s restrictions and then said she will take care of her the best she can. It was so sweet of her, but…really? Oh my! I thought later that I should have asked if her she was given any instructions or restrictions from her doctors and should I go along to help take care of all of them?

My mom’s friend is my friend’s mom.

My friend and I met in the 2nd grade. (We are almost retirement age and our moms are in their early 80’s. Well, I guess maybe her mom is only 79 or so.) Anyway, we went to school together, even double-dated in high school. We both married navy guys who each go by the same name. They have different legal names, but go by the same name. We were each other’s bridesmaids in our weddings. We kept in touch when she moved out of state to the upper Northwest and when I moved out of state to the upper Midwest. We sent cards and letters over the years to keep updated about our kids and our lives. We were the best of friends. But, distance and time can change things.

Mostly, misunderstandings can change things.

We are both back in the same town where we grew up. Unfortunately, we had a couple of falling outs over the years and she even stopped talking with me for several years. We are back on speaking terms and we try to get together with our husbands for dinner every now and then, but the closeness will never be the same.

My friend and I have both lost our dads. She lost her dad to covid in 2020. I lost my dad to watershed strokes in 2024. I am hopeful, that soon, my friend’s mom, my friend, my mom, and I can get together for lunch or something. That would be such a cool moment, all of these years later.

Posted on by ChatterLei

A tender mercy

My thoughts are all over the place. Not sure where they will land.

My parents have lived in the same house for 56 years. It is the same house where my sister, brother, and I were raised. Lying here alone, waiting for sleep to overtake my overactive thoughts, in the same room where I was raised, is a little like being in a time machine.

My young self could not imagine my much older self lying here tonight with my mom, who is sleeping alone, snoring the night away in her bedroom next to mine, while my dad is spending the night sleeping alone in a room at the rehabilitation center across town, where he has been recovering from the stroke he had on the 14th of last month. This is the longest my parents have slept without each other in their 61 years of marriage. The good news is that my dad has worked hard with the PT and OT to improve his strength enough to come back home to my mom this upcoming Sunday.

It will be a relief for them to be together again. I will get to return home to my husband, who has been holding down the fort while I have been staying with my mom. Our daughter, her husband, and our young grandson have stayed at our house since before Christmas. After this weekend, everyone will be back in their own homes with their loved ones, and life will return to a somewhat normal state…with the unsettling knowledge lingering in the back of our minds, however, that our dad still has a blocked artery in his neck.

We don’t know what the future holds for our dad, but what we do know is that we are not going to take him for granted and we are forever grateful to God for the tender mercy of this extended time our parents get to spend together in this beautiful little house where they created a loving home filled with unforgettable memories.

Posted on by ChatterLei · 3 Comments

A New Phase of Life

The phone call came before 7:30 a.m. last Wednesday. My mom was sobbing as she told me she thought my dad was having a stroke. He would not let her call 911 because he “would rather die than go to that hospital.” I said I would be right there. I kissed my husband goodbye and rushed out the door.

That five mile drive across town felt like an eternity.  As I opened the door to my childhood home, a door I had opened thousands of times, there was a fearful feeling I cannot describe. Anticipation of the unknown… it was bad.

My mom, her eyes red and still moist with tears, met me at the door. She said she could not wake my dad. I looked his direction. It shook me to the core.

He was sitting in a chair next to the table. The left side of his face was drooping. His left arm and hand was resting next to his body. His right arm was resting on the table, and his fingers were scratching back and forth across an indentation in the table, which was something that had become a habit over the last few years, the scratching on the table.

The look of helplessness on my mom’s face as she walked over and gently shook his arm while repeating his name was unsettling, as was my dad’s effort to lift his eyebrows as high as he could, to open his eyes, yet his eyelids remained closed.

“This is serious,” I whispered desperately to my mother. “I’m calling 911!”

Those few minutes between the time I reached dispatch to the time I saw the flashing lights of the ambulance pull up in front of the house felt like an eternity. 

Two EMTs entered the house. It was surreal watching one of them ask my dad questions and see my dad sit in that one position without moving or opening his eyes, except to scratch back and forth across the table. He looked like my dad. But, as the EMT lifted my dad’s eyelids, the eyes he exposed were not the same caring eyes I was used to seeing. They were blank. Void of warmth or emotion.

His eyes remained closed while more EMTs entered the house and helped move him from the chair to the stretcher, then out the front door and into the ambulance.

When my mom and I arrived at the ER room, my sister was already there. My dad was alert and talking with the doctor, who happens to be my first cousin.

Life is funny. One minute you are babysitting your cousin so your aunt and uncle can have a date night, and the next minute, that little cousin is all grown up and helping care for your ailing father.

My dad survived the stroke with very few deficits. He is in a rehabilitation center where he can receive PT to strengthen his muscles so he can come home soon. My mom is staying home without my dad for the first time ever for such an extended period of time. I am staying with my mom to help ease her concerns. My husband is home waiting for time to pass so we can be together again in this new phase of our lives as supportive caregivers to my parents for as long as they need us.

This is not my favorite new phase of life. However, I am so grateful for the extra time with my dad. ❤️

Posted on by ChatterLei · 1 Comment

Saturday, A Busy Day

Saturday Morning

Doing the mundane Saturday morning chores: get gas, buy groceries, and pick up prescriptions.

Today is going to be cleaning day while the homemade dough for hamburger buns does its rising thing. Have you ever made homemade buns? It is super easy and delicious, plus no preservatives. Try this recipe on Pintrest here.

We stopped at my parents’ house to pick up my laptop that I left there last night after playing pinochle with them. What is it about walking through the front door of the home of your parents that feels so good? No matter how many times the walls have been painted or the furniture has been rearranged or the fireplace was added or removed, it feels to me like a place of comfort and safety. A place where I could just stay forever.

My favorite front door

My parents are in their eighties, which means their time on this earth is getting short. Feelings of guilt already creep in for the time I don’t spend with them. It is a challenge to find the balance between working full time, spending time with my husband, parents, adult children, and grandchildren, plus creative time, and working on personal growth. Not to mention cleaning and cooking.

Sigh….To be that twenty-something with the whole world ahead of me. 🙂

Well, I better get my 50-something-self moving. It’s time to get the Christmas tree and decorations up!

What are you doing this weekend?