Posted on by ChatterLei · 4 Comments

Turn That Frown Upside Down

This morning I woke up feeling depressed. It is a feeling like no other. I won’t go into details about how I felt, buy I am blessed to have a husband who cares enough to sit right there and listen to my unreasonable rantings.

My father died in January, but I feel I am just now truly mourning his death… and my mom’s sadness. The loss of a loved one who is such a “larger than life” type of personality really leaves a huge hole of emptiness in the lives of those left behind.

The medication I was taking for anxiety and depression made me feel “numb” to the loss of my dad. The benefit was that I could read the life sketch at my dad’s funeral without tears. People complemented me on how “strong” I was to do that without crying. I didn’t feel strong. I felt numb. I have made some choices since then, that I wonder if I would have made had I not been on that medication. Maybe. But, I can’t help but wonder. I made decisions that go against my values and who I am at my core.

So… three months ago I stopped taking the medication so I could feel “all the feels.” They are strong feelings. Mostly negative. There is an underlying sadness in my life most of the time, which, at times manifests as anger/irritation. I am definitely mourning my father’s loss. Among all of the things I miss, a couple of things really stand out. I miss his common-sense approach to life and his down-to-earth advice.

I also feel deep regret for the choices I made recently that are not representative of who I am. Feelings of regret are the worst. I keep asking myself WHY? Rebelliousness? Midlife crisis? Repressed mourning? Not sure, but regret adds to feelings of deep remorse, unworthiness, anger, frustration, depression, etc. “All the feels.”

So, anyway, this morning I woke up feeling deeply depressed. So, so, very sad. My husband encouraged me to go for a walk with him. After some prompting, I agreed and we went for a walk around the river’s edge. It was a beautiful warm summer morning. The walking and talking with my husband was a much needed distraction and very helpful in changing my feelings. I enjoy the outdoors and the beauty along the river. I have learned it is good to get moving when feeling down. The fresh air was fabulous! I took some pictures along the way. Enjoy!

This brought an immediate smile to my face and a curiosity to my mind. What were they discussing? What is their life’s story?
Enjoying the shade before crossing over the river to walk the other side.
If walls of old buildings could talk….
Smiles  > Frowns
Posted on by ChatterLei · 1 Comment

Serendipity

Desert Mountain Sunset

Last night, Joe and I took a last-minute drive east of town. We captured this beautiful sunset over the Sawtooth mountains to the west. The narrow horizontal line in the middle of the image is the Snake River meandering through town, catching the reflection of the setting sun. I love moments like this!!

Posted on by ChatterLei · 2 Comments

My Back Yard

What do you love about where you live?

Bird’s Eye View of the Salt Lake Valley (Copyright 2024 by Chatterlei)

What I love about where I live is that it is my home town. All three of our children, their spouses, and our six grandchildren live in the same town. For as much as we get together because everyone’s lives are so busy, we might a well live in Timbuktu! Our little (growing) conservative town/city is a great place to raise a family.

We are only 3 hours away from a University hospital where my husband can have surgery on his leg, then lie in a hospital room to heal for a few days and enjoy bird’s eye views, as captured in the image above, taken through the window from his 6th-floor room.

From our home, within a couple of hours’ drive on a Saturday afternoon, we can be on a bench in Yellowstone National Park with other tourists watching in awe as Old Faithful reliably spews it’s steamy water up to 180 feet into the air. We can pick up a souvenir from the nearby shops and eat our packed lunch either in the car or at a picnic table in the area. Then enjoy a drive though the park on our way home, hoping to see buffalo, elk, deer, and maybe even a bear or two in their habitat.

In about the same amount of time, we can drive a different direction and sit at the still glasslike water’s edge of Jenny Lake which is tucked away at the base of the Teton Mountain Range. This is one of the area’s most beautiful and most visited sites. We are fortunate to have Yellowstone and the Tetons in our back yard, so to speak.

Taking a long day’s drive we can be at the Oregon Coast enjoying a cool walk along the beach listening to the waves crash along the shoreline. In the same amount of time, heading in a different direction, our drive could take us to San Diego where we can enjoy the warmth of sunshine and see the beautiful sunsets fade below the horizon of the ocean as it meets the sky in the distance.

I absolutely love the outdoors and I love to travel! Living near the Rockies to the East and not far from the Pacific Ocean to the West we can enjoy a variety of God’s most beautiful creations. These are some of the things I love about where we live.

Posted on by ChatterLei

Hobby? Too Much of a Good Thing? Or Escape From Reality?

Finding a geocache in the woods

Geocaching is something new to me that I only recently learned about. My daughter and son-in-law found one when out hiking an easy trail while out camping near a lake last year.

This week, a friend was talking about her husband and that he likes to hunt for geocaches. He has been involved with this hobby for many years. She expressed a bit of frustration when sharing with me that he is a top geocacher. He has found at least 50,000 geocaches! Fifty thousand! That is a lot of time spent outdoors searching for a small box with or without some tiny trinket or toy, as well as a pen or pencil and paper on which to leave a signature, as proof of his discovery.

The geocacher’s wife, said he walks with arm crutches. He has multiple cancers he is fighting. He has had all of the treatments available for his cancers. Now it’s a matter of time. Agent orange. Like covid, it is a thief.

Our patient worries about him out there searching for these geocaches. Alone. She wishes he would spend more time at home doing things that “matter.” I thought about all of the time effort and money he has spent on doing this hobby of searching for boxes with notepads where he has left his signature over 50 thousand times. My guess is, he has had some interesting moments out there by himself or with a buddy hiking in the outdoors, maybe appreciating God’s creations along the way. Journaling or blogging would have been a great place for him to share his ponderings and experiences.

I wonder if his wife ever went with him. I wonder if he every invited her to go along. They could have shared some wonderful moments of conversation, candid photos, and laughing together. Did I mention he is in his 70’s? I bet he has some great stories to tell.